Confession Time

Okay. So. Let's just jump right in:

When I started this blog, I was really hoping for it to be an extension of the work I did in college. As perhaps the world's nerdiest dancer, I wanted to have a place to write about the pieces that I saw and the articles that I read. I was not particularly invested in having others read it, I just wanted a place to organize and record the thoughts that I had about dance and dance scholarship. And then I graduated from school.

There are certain things that they tell you when you decide to go to art school, such as: you are going to be poor, you are going to be busier than average because you are going to have to work a job on top of all the dancing, it is not an easy life.

Things that they don't tell you include, but are not limited to: you are going to be embarrassed about the fact that you work in a mall and have no insurance or savings account while all the rest of your friends set up their 401(k)s, by the time you get around to dancing you will probably be too tired to enjoy it, you will get sick of explaining to people exactly what it is that you do, there is a certain set of people out there who think you mean "stripper" when you say "dancer," no one is going to take you seriously when you call rehearsal your other job, there is no conceivable way to pay back student loans when you are working retail with sporadic hours, and (my favorite) you will be lucky if you have the time and money to get to class even once a week, let alone go see shows.

That having been said, I have not been able to use this blog as intended. I can't afford to go see dance and, on the rare occasion that I have found a cheap enough show, I will admit that I have opted for a night of sleep instead. I also can't afford to buy books full of scholarly articles, nor do I have time to read them.

I have, however, been lucky in a few ways. I have been learning some life lessons that are actually quite funny in retrospect. I'm getting an inside view of what it's like to start and run a dance company. And, most importantly, I'm learning that I do really love dancing.

I have wondered for years if dancing is really a passion of mine, or if it's just something I happen to do well (I submit to the Reader the infamous Center Stage quote: "You don't have the feet. I don't have the heart.") Since the age of 14 I have been training for a career that I never had a chance to evaluate. I went to an arts high school where I danced 4 hours a day and then I went to college where I danced 8 hours a day. The only team I was ever on in high school was the dance team, despite my love of soccer. I almost never partied on the weekends because of morning rehearsals. Etc, etc, etc. But graduating from college and jumping into the "real world" of the "starving artist" has made me realize that I do, in fact, love dancing. If I didn't dance, I would have beautiful feet, a regular job and much more free time. But I choose not to have those things. Because I would rather dance.

While I'm dancing, I'm gaining insight into the world of the young artist and having quite a few laughs along the way (plenty of them in retrospect). So I decided to use this blog as a place to write about what it's actually like to live the dream. And if I am lucky enough to see a show or read something exciting, I'll throw that in here too. So in short, dear Reader (if you even exist), be prepared for a change. :)